Friday, 18 March 2011
BLACK SWAN - I am Winona Ryder
Just a few days ago, during a ballet class, I realised my shoulders were covered in scratches. Not recalling a catfight nor a night of aggressive sex I started wondering whether I was living the Black Swan Syndrome. I immediately started wondering whether I was turning into the black swan itself or becoming Natalie Portman in the role of the Black swan. Delirious thoughts followed.
I hated Black Swan. I think I have expressed this opinion since the first day I saw it. I won't go through details cause I will risk to bore myself.
But just a few days ago I had an accident on the job (slipped and broke my foot) and had to be hospitalised and go through surgery for a new shiny stepping tool.
This of course meant accepting to be replaced in the show my company is representing now with incredible success in one of Barcelona's finest theatres.
While I cheer for my colleagues' triumph, the heavy medications (high doses of morphine) I have been taking to relieve the pain of the broken bone have made me quite sensitive about having to be stuck on a bed while others are enjoying applauses.
So it is only thanks to tranquillizers that I finally understand that I have no chance of being Natalie if not Miss Winona Ryder herself.
I am diagnosed with the WR Syndrome, the one that drives you nuts cause you can't do tombé-pas-de-bourrée-pirouette and makes you jealous of your innocent replacement. As Winona I am in a hospital and cannot leave the bed (doctors said I can't move). I haven't stabbed myself in the face yet but as I said I am already full of scratches. I am jealous, sad and angry.
So my question is: is it time to retire, suicide or have I been watching too many movies?